Agent641

"Guess hoo, motherfucker!"

Once I was walking down by the river and found a wallet and phone. It had $550 in it. Checked the drivers licence, name was Roberto. The phone was unlocked. I called the number listed under "Mum" and tried to explain that I found Roberto's wallet and phone, but the woman couldn't seem to understand, just kept saying "Call Roberto, call Roberto!" And I'm like "Bruh I have his phone".

So next I checked the drivers licence for the address. I googled the street name but it didn't exist. It was something like "Monroe place" and google kept trying to autocorrect it to "Monrovia ave" so I took a chance and drove to that street.

Knock on the door and a very angry man comes to the door, and I smell weed. Ah geez, here we go...

I ask if he is Roberto, he says yes. I ask if his address on his licence is incorrect, to verify if this is the guy, he says yes. So I tell him I found his wallet and phone. He didn't even realise they were missing. His mood changes instantly, takes the wallet and phone, looks inside, sees his money is still there. Is basically in tears. Asks if I was one of the kayakers he had been arguing with at the river (apparently he had been trying to fish with his disabled son and the kayakers were trying to land their boats, fucking up their fishing spot, which is why he left in a huff) I said no, just a walker.

Tried to explain that I tried to call his mum. She actually lives in the same house, but has Alzheimer's and doesn't understand things, so that's why I couldn't get her to understand what I was telling her. He's the primary carer for her and his son, subsists on welfare and disability carer allowance, the money in the wallet was to pay rent. He tries to give me some weed, I decline, then he tries to give me some moonshine (blackberry flavour) in a plastic sandwich bag (he run out of jars) and I accept that (this was before I got sober and gained the common sense not to drink strangers mystery homebrew out of a plastic bag) and eventually escaped his constant gratitude and banter and went home.

NGL I looked through the wallet and phone to determine if this person seemed to be rich or poor. A busted screen older model iPhone and rather sad, scummy wallet suggested he was poor. If I'd found a business card for a law firm or something, I'd have pocketed the cash and tossed the rest in a post box. I was homeless living in a van at the time so I'd consider it fair.

Yeah but unlike the cinema, at home there's no random old dude trying to give you a handjob whether you want one or not.

That is Lucifer, the great beast, the biblical devil. Hence "Mr Beast". He revealed himself to humanity in the mid 2010s, expecting to incite the apocalypse. But everyone was already pretty shook at the general state of the world, so nobody cared. He still tries to shock the world with diabolical stunts, but he really just can't compete with politicians and billionaires. Kind of tough to see, tbh. Kinda sad.

I used to go to work along a road that had a two-lane roundabout. One lane turns left and one lane turns right (in this country, we drive on the left for context)

The left lane was always banked up many many cars, but the right lane wasn't.

So I'd go bomb down in the right lane and do a 270 degree turn to end up going left, where the banked-up left-turning cars had to yield to me.

That's a pro gamer move.

Rip the power cord out of the wall

I like low profile keyboards, not Mt Everest leycaps. My go-to is the Keychron K5 SE. Full numpad, low height, quiet optical mechanical keys. I made my office buy me one, and bought myself the same one for home use so I don't have to adapt to a slightly different layout at home.

It can be Bluetooth connected, buy I keep it wired. Lots of backlight colour options, fancy splashy ripple stiff, but I like a plain white backlight.

Linux, of course. But which version of Linux?

Reptilians moult their skins once every eighty years or so

Bottomless dom

I was thinking of something else for a long time.

Oh shit I've had ambulance Whisky too!

Then she locks them in a crate and buries them alive, right? Right!?

My legs hurt, that's a significant side effect 😭

And some asparagus for that reeky pee

I know a girl with a confused psyduck tattoo and it is impressively accurate in describing her

Try some exercise. For a brief time, the sadness is overshadowed by physical pain and a burdensome sense of weakness, inferiority and futility.

It's good to change things up once in a while!

Ill never understand how so many women feel comfortable just wearing skin tight leggings or yoga pants or whatever they are called, and nothing else, out in public. I absolutely don't mind, but don't they just feel bare ass naked the whole time?

This is the part of Power Rangers that breaks verisimilitude?

Not the smoke ghost living in a glass tube or the creatures made out of actual putty or the seemingly endless supply of cities to destroy while also apparently saving them?

Add a dash of olive oil to the boiling water. It won't fucking help, but at least you can fuck up pasta in new and interesting ways.