I pulled the man back on the sidewalk just before the car zipped by and breathed a sigh of relief as the numbers above his head went from 5 seconds to 5 years.

Finally the interminable, excruciating, and most foul experience that had been brought upon by the treacherous inclusion of dairy in the night's hors d'oeuvres had finally passed.

“I don’t even care what happens anymore,” I muttered, letting the car drift slowly across the center line.

By being careful with the portions, the left over ribs should carry me through to Thursday.

The body hasn't been found yet but everyone seems to have accepted that I've left for good.

"I'll have a rib, please" The wealthy business man said to the smiling waiter.

"It's just phantom limb syndrome," the doctor assured me, examining the healed stump of my amputated arm.

My friend's pre-fall family heirloom kept beeping faster, but still, we found nothing.

We have reached our quota and will stop deporting illegal immigrants.

I was relieved when I realized the only damage to the time machine was to the wires

In my business, the competition will do the work for you if you sit back and wait long enough.

Information on comet C/2022 Whiro is approved for public release.

"Then, Jeffrey gently sat a black box on his lap"

He hummed gently as he wrote my life into rhyme and turned my recent heartbreak to soft poetry.

I told my therapist the little girl at the foot of my bed only appears when I talk about her, so I’ve stayed silent for years.

“I wish my dad would become a successful opera singer,” I used my first wish on his lifelong dream.

That one was a clever little cutie: got loose somehow, and called the police before I could find him.

“I am gay, Mamma and I love him so you can go ahead and disown me; I’m not letting him go!”

She wasn’t worried about the operation at all, removing your appendix is a pretty standard procedure and the anesthetics were already starting to work.

It’s said that transplant recipients sometimes take on traits of their donors.